After watching Monday evening’s episode of “The Actual Housewives of Orange County” — during which Vicki Gunvalson, Tamra Decide and Shannon Beador journey to Mexico for somewhat feminine bonding — I would like to stage an intervention with these Southern California blondes.
An inebriated and bare Tamra breaks her foot whereas making an attempt to develop into the cannonball champion of Puerto Vallarta in a scorching tub, Shannon drunkenly grabs her abdomen whereas screaming one thing like, “Have a look at my fats abdomen” and a glazed-over Vicki — who had possibly peed herself earlier — seems to be as if she was testing her tolerance for quaaludes.
It was like an AARP-sponsored feminine remake of “Animal Home” that gained’t even make it to video.
Nevertheless it wasn’t their extreme alcohol consumption that was so worrisome. It was their seashore equipment.
In an embarrassing scene, Vicki and Tamra sport matching boxy trucker hats emblazoned with the tacky phrase “Adios Seashores.”
At one level, Vicki breaks out in hysterics. And it made me marvel if she was laughing as a result of she had gotten a glimpse of her middle-aged self carrying the official hat of the college dropout whose greatest aspiration is to be a hostess at Pump.
An “Adios Seashores” topper is the kind of present you choose up at a mall kiosk to your vapid cousin’s birthday — since you don’t like him. It’s a second-generation Ed Hardy trucker hat.
Hell, I don’t even assume Snooki would put on one.
Haven’t these women ever seen a classy straw seashore hat or perhaps a glossy, plain baseball cap? I’d even forgive a stingy brimmed fedora on this case.
The O.C. males and women have lengthy been the type pariahs of the “Actual Housewives” franchise. The women costume to showcase their breast implants quite than good style. Again when the housewives had husbands, their uniforms have been these horrific striped shirts with outsized cuffs that, when folded up, revealed a shiny paisley sample. And earlier than the women turned Bible-quoting Christians, they appeared to worship bedazzled fleur-de-lis all the pieces. So these hats are simply one other blip of their doubtful vogue spotlight reel.
So as to defend us all from a repeat of this tragedy, I’d like to suggest a federal regulation requiring distributors to not promote most of these hats to anybody over the age of 24. This regulation would assist many misguided non-Bravo celebrities and Bravo stars alike.
As a result of whereas I don’t thoughts seeing my housewives drunk and unhappy, I’d a minimum of like them be well-dressed whereas doing it. (See: NY.)